Our bedtime routine is occasionally happy but more often than not it is rather atrocious. Occasionally the night ends with me saying "Get in bed and I don't want to see you until morning!" Nothing says sweet dreams like "get out of my face because I will lose it if you don't." I don't ever say those words, but I feel that message comes across.
After I read my friends blog I sunk into mom guilt. Thinking about what a terrible mom I am and pondering the psychological damages of my lack of parenting skills, specifically at bed time.
Then I had a wonderful moment, I remembered earlier in the week a glimmer I had that confirmed to me that I am a good mom too.
The story goes like this: Jim was feeling sick and the only thing he wanted to eat was fast food or soup. Since it was 10pm and I didn't want to go find fast food I found a can of soup in the back of my cupboard. I warmed it in the microwave, and voila, soup from a can. Around the same time Lilly wandered out of her room with insomnia and hunger. She looked at Jim's soup and said "I want that soup that you made." I told her there was only one can of soup and her dad had taken it all. She looked at me again and said "No, I want the soup that you made, you know that you made."
The it dawned on me, she assumed that I had made the soup from scratch and that there was a big pot of it on the stove. She has never has soup from a can because I make homemade soup almost twice a week, with homemade bread.
This is a special mom thing I do and my daughter thinks its normal to have soup and bread from scratch.
I don't make soup and bread out of guilt. I make it because I like to eat it and so does my family. Period.
I then realized that the best things in my life happen when I do them out of desire and love, not out of mom/blog guilt.
Next time I am struck with the case of mom guilt, I am going to think about my soup. I am going to remember that when Lilly is grown with her own family she might think back on her mom who made soup from scratch, and maybe she will be impressed, and maybe not. It doesn't matter if she is or isn't because I do it for myself and that makes me happy.
8 comments:
Oh Liz,
Thanks for this story. The mom guilt thing is so atrocious. And why I almost can't read other people's blogs - I feel wretched. Or judgmental.
I'm happy you have your soup. Now I'm off to figure out my mom soup for the girls.
Also, I wish my girls ate soup. They don't really get it.
So wise. I love the observation that the things our kids will remember will be the genuine moments, not the ones we concoct while trying to keep up with other moms. Blogging is a huge source of mom-guilt for me- thanks for the reminder that I have the power to change that! Have you read the book Motherstyles? I think you would like it...
And...I'm going to need your recipes, so I can have my own Mom Guilt Fighters on hand when I need it! LOL
I hope you've forgiven your mother for all the things she feels guilty about . . .
I almost never felt guitly in my life and then I became a mom. It was good to read this and take a step back to think of the few things I am doing right. I wish I was making soup and homemade bread, sounds delish.
I really can't believe your kids have never had soup from a can. What a great mom you are! The mom guilt starts from the moment they are born. It's pretty hard to surpress. I hope there's no such thing as grandma guilt.
Really, when I read things about what other women do with and for their kids, I try to feel inspired, and learn something from it. Not every night can include a story or song, but we pray together and give hugs and kisses no matter what. Many nights it is yelling at the boys to get them to bed, but once they are settled we always take a breath to go in their rooms and tuck them in. All parents have those moments, even the days when the TV is the best babysitter! We wear many hats as moms, and sometimes it can be overwhelming...
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